Sunday, 31 May 2015

Life is good again!

Finally another chance for a quiet moment to catch up on myself again!  The last few weeks have been so busy, with things being done in the flat, which has involved me running round like an idiot, thoroughly exhausting myself in the process.  I have found myself in the DiY stores earlier in the morning, than I realised they opened.  Needless to say, because of all the meds and my fibromyalgia, mornings are not good for me; but I've done myself proud as every morning, I have greeted my builder with a smile!

But what can I say, except that I am happy!  I feel so completely different.  I am beginning to realise what it is to live a stress free life, where there is no angst to face everyday.  I have not known that feeling for such a long time time, it is almost unreal.  I hadn't appreciated just how much that old life was slowly killing me. it had forced me to my knees.  I had forgotten who I was, I became what he'd made me, and I hated myself for that.

My mind has not dwelled him at all since we parted, if anything it is other people that keep him alive.  They keep asking me if I've heard from or seen him,.  But why would or should I?  And if I had, what kind of response am I supposed to give him, the man who has caused me so much pain?  Am I expected to pass the time of day, and be all pleasant and nice?  Really?  I can only be the person I am meant to be, and however I choose to respond if or when this happens, will be right.  For me, anyway.

I know there is still so much anger to be released inside of me, and I also know that the time is near.  I will lose myself in the moment when it comes, no amount of self control will be able to hold my tears, not when they are finally ready to flow.

That's when I will be truly free, when I finally let go of all that aches in my heart.  But for now, I have my smile again and my confidence has returned, life is already so much better!  Life is good again Sx