Monday, 5 March 2012

And so the story continues.

I hope, I haven't made this whole thing about depression and healing myself, sound as if it were so easy.   Far from it.  What a lot of people don't understand about depression is that there no magic cure, it is not about "picking yourself up", or "getting over it".

People with real depression only wish that they could do just that, but it's not a choice that we have.  People, who ask "What have you got to be depressed about?", or "I've got a friend (etc), with the same problem and they did this", or "You need to be getting out more and enjoying yourself".  These people, who can voice such incredible words of thoughtlessness, and insensitivity, have absolutely no idea what they are saying to a depressed mind, or in fact to the person suffering.

In my life, they were people who knew me, until I reaslised they knew nothing about my life.  They merely saw the material things I had gathered, the confidence I held in myself, the way I would always be the one to speak up, and who also always got the job done.  They didn't bear the pressure I was under, or notice the gradual decline, they didn't know what was coming.  Then one day I stopped.

Not by choice.  I had nothing to do with it.  My body decided it couldn't take anymore, it was burnt out, exhausted, it needed to rest and be quiet.  And for a while, I had tried to defend myself, in such a weakened state, against these people and their words.  But, no matter how many times I tried to explain, why this had happened to me, it fell on deaf ears.  All they wanted to do was find something else to blame it on; buying an new house, building work that was going on, and my recent marriage.  Never, did anyone think that they could be even remotely responsible.  That's when I realised, that I had to emotionally remove these people from my life.  They caused me more damage and more pain than I needed; and they used up all my energy.