Monday, 29 September 2014

All good things must come to an end...

For something else better to begin!

Well. I guess I ought to give an explanation for my previous blog, 'Journey through a painful body and a depressed mind', the title says it all really, but that's who I was, and still am to some degree.

The 'painful body' is all about an illness I suffer with called Fibromyalgia, which is a horrible condition to live with, as it entails being in chronic pain anywhere throughout your body.  Basically 'Fibro" means the fibrous tissue surrounding joints and muscles, and 'Myalgia' means pain, but this is chronic pain, not just a few aches.  The severity, duration and locality of pain is different for each person, but things can be so bad, a person can be completely incapacitated or even bed ridden.  There is no cure for this condition, the only relief are strong pain killing drugs, which only dampen the pain down.  The problems are not in our heads, and it doesn't just affect the physical body, it also grabs hold of your mind, and daily activity.  Other ways it can affect a person:
forgetfulness,
easily stressed,
lacked concentration or focus,
confused,
clumsy,
being unsteady just standing up
reproduction
blood pressure
easily tired
lack of sleep, through constantly waking up
constantly being fatigued or drained of energy

This list could go on and on.  So, how does it affect me?  I suffer with symptoms from head to toe on a daily basis, even in my face, I am always in pain, full stop. I am always worn out, it takes me forever to do things, and it has robbed me of many simple joys in life,  But I have no choice, I have to live with it just like everyone else. The last 6 years or so, have been the worse, I now understand that this is something I have probably had for most of my life, but something triggered it off and now it is full blown.  I only received a full diagnosis about two and a half years ago, at least it gave me a name for this monster.

As for the depression, that really took hold of me about 12 years ago, I literally skidded to a halt, then crashed and burned.  It is a strange sensation when you body takes over the decision making process, when your mind is still wanting to speed along.  I have often said 'it was the best thing that could have happened to me', as had I carried on with my life the way it was, then things would have truly ended up being a lot worse.

In just a short space of time, my life changed forever, I was plunged into the darkness of a sound proofed arena, where I could hear everything, but nobody heard me. It was the start of 'My incredible journey', that helped me revisit my life, my present, my past, my past past, eventually leading me to look at my new future.   I've had decisions to make, and many other issues to deal with along the way, but one thing was for sure, changes had to be made.

So here I am, this is where I am at now aged 49, about to embark on possibly the most exciting time of my life...starting over again.  I am not out of the woods yet, but I can clearly see a bright light ahead of me.

I stopped writing the other blog, because I decided that, that was not the person I wanted to be anymore, it's not who I am now, I'm in a whole different place.  Sx